I. ...

Hi, I am Mohammad Thauseef.
It might seem a very formal post but I can't help it. I don't know if am alive. I don't know if I can talk. I don't know if I can hear anything else other than Led Zepplin -- Stairway to Heaven.

I am sitting hear alone and I don't remember when did the world shrink to a laptop and a wooden chair. I don't know if I can move my body anymore. Every part seems so numb. I am sure I can move my eyeballs and my fingers.
Oh no. My eyes... my eye balls.....they cant see anywhere else.
My wrists... my wrists ....are they stuck to the laptop?
My eyes they can only see how my fingers were moving. They were typing swiftly as if they were made for this. I don't remember how long it's been since I hear anyone talk to me. I don't know how long it's been since I talked to anyone.
All I remember is there was a time I used to talk a lot. What.. where are my fingers? Why can I see my friends?
I am talking. I am laughing, I see the faces of the people I like and the girl I love.
It was so pleasant, I didn't realize how good It was with them around me. I can see.... I can see the time we all were laughing together, walking together. I can see her face .... smiling at me. I remember the warm feeling when I was drowning watching her eyes looking at me.

What's that sound ? The keyboard ?
why did my typing speed increase all of a sudden?
Why can I listen my heart beating faster? Why can't I turn my head. Am I dead ??

No !! I can feel the tips of my fingers hitting softly to the keyboard. But is that all ?
Wait .... I feel something
Is it raining ?
no ... I think am in my office. Yes... as far as i remember I was in my office. Then what was it. But am sure I felt a drop on my cheek.
Am I out of my mind. It must not be my tears. Why will I cry ? I am given a large amount of stipend. I have my friends who always help me out whenever I need them. I also have a girl who listens to all my problems. then why ? Must be my imagination.

I can feel the something crawling on my cheeks. are they tears ? No. not again
I want to move my hands and clean my eyes of tears. Why don't they move ? why .. whyyyy
Why am I getting irritated ?
It stopped again. Was I imagining ? But I was sure i felt them.
Let me close my eyes.
Wait.... my eyes and fingers are the only thing which are working ?
I can't control it. My eyes. ...
What's that. My friends ? They are smiling at me. My girl ? She is smiling too. Am I crying with my eyes closed ?
But it's so beautiful. ... Why am I crying ? It's so soothing. I want to sleep. I want to sleep.
Why am I more happy with my eyes closed. My fingers ...
I don't know if I can move but I sure am. ...
I .. I .. I. ...

longest day in DELHI

It was my first time , I was travelling to delhi . It was a normal sleeper cab . My berth was filled with the luggage and . I requested one of the guys to move aside so that i can sit and informed him that it was mine. But that moron arrogantly asked me to wait cause he had his luggage placed there. I reminded him that it was my birth and I have the right to sit there and since he had no ticket he has to respect me for sharing my seat with him. That idiot didn't get me and was yelling that he wont move cause he arrived there before me. (hadd hai). Ofcourse I got angry and immediately explained him that I had reserved the ticket and kicked him out of my berth.

I was day dreaming a lot that day with FPS (my first novel) in my hand. I fell asleep after few hours of journey. I dizzily opened my eyes to check the book with my spectacles over it. I fell asleep again. I was trying to wake up .... but couldnt.... saw the specs and the book and fell asleep again.... I could here the noises of the baby crying and over that the station where the train stopped was a mess. It was smelling bad . I slowly opened my eyes and found the book . But OMG !!! where were my specs. I immediately became consious and asked, searched for the specs here and there. Then I asked the passengers for my spectacles. A Lady ( around the age of 40) reported that a guy took them. I asked her about him . She reported might be your friend, so i did not stop him. Asking the passengers irritatingly ..why the hell did he steal my specs..they informed that he might have thought those were reading specs. Without my specs with a power of -3.5 and -2.5 the remaining journey was a disastor.

With my spectacles stolen in the journey ( ofcourse none other than at patna station ) and my suitcase handle broken in the way I started of for IITD.

The Dean there arrives at 11, so in the mean time I was busy searching and finally caught hold of a specs shop and ordered a new one.
Later met the dean and he simply said no vacancy for people training outside IITD....
I put my luggage at the hostel security and decided to report my prof Mr. Srinivasan Ramachandran of my arrival.I caught a bus and travelled around 10kms.

I expected the name IGIB is enough for me to find the institute.But the place okhla was an industrial and there were about a million industries and institutes.
I dint have the address.The phone was 24hrs busy. I searched for a cyber cafe.Found I can find it at Nehru place.
In this time I could find a broker for my accomodation as a pying guest.He said he could get me a house with a rent of 4500. For the time being I said that i would take it.
Then again I had to travel another 5kms more for a net cafe. Finally found the address and reported the prof..... ( guys i still dont have my specs and a place to stay )

I thought the prof will leave me free the first day.... he asked me to relax for a while...and then we shall discuss...He called me in 5 mins... and asked what is the name of your proj.....(what was tht... )
I said "sir.. tht sir..vaccine..sir.... 1 min sir...tht..."

Sir laughed loudly and asked me not to get tensed cause he too doesnt remember of it...(phew tht was quite a relief tht the prof was cool )

But he already gave me a hell a lotta work for tht day... later by evening 6 i was out... I went to the IIT for my luggage and the spectacles.

I talked to the broker. I talked about the commission he takes. He said that he takes a month's rent as a commission (What the hell!!!). I said i would give him no more tham 100/-. He denied. That idiot warned me that i cant find a house of my own. But i left on a wild goose chase .Began to search for a place to stay....near the institute.I had a 50/- rupee note. And I couldnt find a SBI-ATM centre.
I saw all kinds of people... there was a part of journey in which there are no RTC buses... so I had to travel through the private buses (the four wheelers) called an the CNG's.

Unfortunately it was the day of 150yrs of first war of independence 1857.The people did'nt allow me to travel with them since I had the suitcase with me. They suspected it was a bomb. I was showing my IITG identity card ( was feeling stupid of myself )
I tried it for half an hour,but koi umeed nahi thi. They were expecting me to be a terrorist since there was a rumour aboutthe bomb..... and blah blah blah...

I had to hire an auto.... and reached a place near the institute. I costed 35/- .I had 15 Rs more.
By dragging the trolley I was knocking doors for any clue for a Paying Guest. Every PG says.. exclusively for girls... only for girls....Girls be safe here.... HELL !!
I dint have my lunch and was feeling hungry. But i had only 15/-. Every guy was saying u may find it there and few others suggested someother places. I spend RS 7 for travalling. Just had Rs 8. Finalkly thought of a Guest House.

The guest houses were too costly......and the normal rooms will be given only if u give a rent for 6 months.
I decided that form now I would look only for a one nite stay .....and felt the next day i could look after my self an accomodation on my own....
So started searching a place to stay for a one night stay.The guest house was 1200/-...for a night... which was far far expensive... but tht was my last option.....

I hit on a guy and he said that he knows a woman who gives rooms for rent. I was relieved. I asked about her living. He was saying that he stays with his brother. I met the woman. It was already 8:30 and i was feeling damn hungry. She asked me to wait for half an hour. I put the luggage at her place and went on a walk. I bought a Bun of Rs. 4 and went on a walk. I finally found an SBI ATM ...... I was feeling myself defragmenting. I drew the money and went back to her place. I knocked the door....
Areply came from inside the house.. "eeji sunthey ho !! voh bag bahar rakh dijiye".....her husband but the suitcase out . I requested the man for a conversation with the woman cause she was my last hope. He said just leave. ..there are no rooms....
I then thought of the guy living with his brother. I wanted to find him and request him for a one night stay. I knocked each and every door asking about the brothers. They asked the name. I dint know the name and was foolishly explaining his features to each and everyone. But i couldnt find them.

Later a guy suggested me tht there were rooms in a temple... they will charge less and allow u to stay for a maximum of 2 days....
I was excited and .... finally found the temple.... it was already 10 in the night.

I talked to the incharge there. They said there were three empty rooms...but they demanded my details .....
I told was an iitgian showing my id card.
They read my name.....and it was mohammad thauseef..... :((
He smirked......so ur a muslim..... i replied yes.....he then stubbornly said that the rooms were reserved for married couples....or joint families... and bachelors weren't allowed to stay there.....I left cursing him.

I dint know where to go....i was asking each and every one in the way.....
One guy suggests a place...later another by another guy..... I was feeling myself as a football.... goin here and there with no destination.
Then finally a guy named Harshall met me... he said he was a PG too ( yipppeee)

He took me to his place.... and i talked to the caretaker... it was 2500 per month and water , current,... food ( twice a day ) free free free....
His words were like a melody.

I was too happy ... i immediately confirmed it....
It was a big room ( as much as kameng's)
I had dinner in peace... slept silently.
the next morning I relaised tht i almost walked 5 kms in search of that room.